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“It is all a treasonous hoax!” proclaimed Dr. Mamfa Dpojm. The reknowned astrophysist, philosopher and patriot has once again generated an interplanetary controversy accusing our beloved noiz shupsters and space explorers, Gambothna Geebis and Farfummf Shibadigdis, not only of perpetrating a malicious hoax on the public; he also claims that the duo, who render their nocturnal sonic emissions under the name, KOKO DOZO, are actually spies who should be brought back to the Velfin Spoidioyz to be executed for treason and then tried in the highest court. “They have invented stories of horrifying earthforms in order to terrorize us into changing our sacred way of life,” Dr. Dpojm said at a press conference yesterday When reporters pointed out the photographic evidence of life on Earth that KOKO DOZO sent back home, some of which appeared in Issue #2 of this journal, Dr. Dpojm responded, “My research has shown that Earth lacks any evidence of moxigozn, the chemical necessary for the existence of life on any planet. Without moxigozn Earth can be nothing more than a pointlessly spinning hairball of rocks, water, foliage and meaningless echoes of elite ultra-liberal gases bouncing off mountain surfaces.”
In their defense, KOKO DOZO has responded by charging that Dr. Dpojm is, himself, a spy--a native earthform who has amassed a great fortune on Earth through his vast disinformation and spum-dweek empire; and he plans to use it to control the entire Fepulon Cluster
Since both parties in this dispute are highly regarded by all in the Cluster, there is much dismay. So much of our culture has been formed by the sonic emissions of KOKO DOZO, particularly the funky norpse dance which has become the yardstick by which we choose our leaders. And of course the way we perceive the world is defined by the work of Dr. Dpojm with his theories of Absolutivity, Molecular Stasis and The Big Buck Theory of how our universe was formed. Hopefully all of these disturbing charges will be proven false.
Greetings to my homzoi doggies back home. Here's the latest hwumshuk from Earth.
Well, it's been HOT! here in the New York sector where earthforms do what they call, vacations and being outside. I was puzzled by this idea of travelling to where it's outside so, I did research.
On Earth there are mainly two zones: Outside and Inside. The New York sector is an Inside Zone which comprises of structures and noises made by the earthforms. The living and occupational activities take place in these structures, all of which are located in the Inside Zone. The Outside Zones are filled with vegetation, large rocks and liquidy masses.
Inside Zones have some designated areas that are replicas of Outside. They are called, parks. Insiders must travel to parks in order to have an Outside-like experience. There are benches for observers who can not find a spare piece of vegetation upon which to place their fugda. However, in the Outside zones one is always outside. If proof is desired, one only need open the door. Everything is outside and all the noises are made by the roarings of micro-beasts. The only other type of sound is when earthforms do their sad impersonations of the funky norpse dance to recordings of the majestic music of KOKO DOZO.
Earthforms with muchness have dwellings in both zones. I have seen zones that are a sort of combination of both fake Inside and fake Outside--they are called, malls. They are frightening places where molecules go when they are ready to die. There is a special earth word designed to describe this zone--"Whatever."
Unlike citizens of the Velfin Spoidioyz who wisely believe nothing unless it serves the devine purpose of achieving the succulent hummn of the Eternal Pillow--earthforms display the amazing ability to believe anything that provides comfort to themselves. Insiders stroll or ride their bicycles on cement paths right next to the highway all the while believing they are experiencing the Outside. Similarly, Outsiders build new freshly painted rows of stores designed to look like stores from a hundred years earlier. Apparently that was when Outside was really outside. Some of these Outside stores sell many styles of sandwiches with interesting names like The Tribeca which, oddly, happens to be the section in the Inside Zone of New York where the most fabulous earthforms in the world live. These earthforms are referred to as "artsy" because actual artists once lived there. I am told that one must have muchness to be artsy, but very few attain muchness by being artists. I am confused by this. It will be a subject of future research.
Earthforms strive to be squishy with comfort like the little squishy toys they call twinkies. I must say it does feel comforting to squeeze twinkies. But I keep breaking them, which soils my hands and body coverings with sticky white spooze. Perhaps that is why the earthforms squeeze the twinkies with their mouths. So much to learn here.
Thursday, Sept 11, 2008: Club NME at The Annex
152 Orchard St., NYC, Earth
Sept. 23. 2008: Rebel Rebel at The Annex
152 Orchard St., NYC, Earth
Gordapatunes! Stilkleepers! Smuhabblers in all shades! Yards and yards of flowing Simiseee, Kyluz, and Cormuzzlah! That's right Earthlings, it's that bizarre overindulgent hyper-sensory phenomenon known as "fashion week" and already the smurrr is tuffling, and the anti-smurrr activists are ready to rumble! The shows! The personalities! The bottles and bottles of Burspizz popping, and tons of parties, Powbangos, Dusmuggahs, and Nocturnal Sonic Emissons , the nonstop pace has Terranopolans in a complete froth!
Creative director and Fashionatrix Doomah Splinter has made headlines again for snubbing last years CRUD award winner Blank Setter's show in lieu of the up and coming bad boy design duo Tzitt and Pablo! Setter is so dismayed by Splinter's absence that cameras have already seen him on film resorting back to the behavior that put him into rehabilitation in the first place. Stay strong Blank, stay strong!
However, that's nothing compared to the spectacle that Supershimmyshaker Bathsheeba Duncan caused when she found her paramour kent hydrox in the bathroom of hotspot private club "Broomsh" with her rival Supershimmyshaker Publica Replica! Bathsheeba has lost that famous temper again, will she be sent to exile, or have to do another round of public service? we can't wait to see what she wears!!!
The front row at the "Darling to the Terrastarlets" Hezzeh Bon Winklumucken's show, included Subtown diva Mot Likmyhynie, Rusmie Livittrip, and that crazy wildchild Bneh Bneh Washboo! Bon Winklumucken, who has made millions designing dresses constructed from a bodysucking fabric he invented known as Zhkentz, was effusive about his current collection. "It's like having every ounce of twag ripped off your frame, darlings" he gushed while air kissing Editrixes Doomah Splinter, Henvda Bashwagon, and creator at large for STPD magazine, Washburn Nevilo Freebeenie. He continued to explain, "you jump headfirst into one of these babies, and it's like being reborn...better!" ....STAY TUNED FOR MORE!
Wednesday, Oct 1, 2008:
