Sun. Feb. 24 2008; Earth
We have arrived on Earth. It appears many Earthforms found our nocturnal sonic emissions quite sticky to the earhairs. It is odd--they do not seem to realize that the words in our song emissions indicate we are laughing at them. Or perhaps they, like us, inhale the mindwaves emitted from the Ironus cluster.
Yes, we were "into the house" as the dancing youthpods say. They flapped their flippers with great enthusiasm causing my norpse to harden with pleasure--although it caused some discomfort when I "shook my booties." A strange and twisted evening enhanced by my friendly new liquid assistants: Margarita, Jack and Daniels. With their help, the sonic emissions of Koko Dozo will become the dominant noizforce on Planet Earth and the entire Milky Way Galaxy. These earthform puppeloons who have named their galaxy after a bland sugar narcotic, clearly have no viable immune system to withstand our sonic attack.
We have just received the first photos from Earth sent to us by KOKO DOZO. They are revealing firm evidence of living organisms. It has not yet been determined if they represent species that in any way conform to those of our planet and the other planet nations of the Velfin Spoidioyz Planetary Union. Horrific as they appear, time will tell if they will be friend or foe. Koko Dozo will employ their sonic emissions in a diplomatic endeavor that might mitigate any threatening impulses of these mysterious earthforms.
KOKO DOZO SPEW NOCTURNAL
SONIC EMISSIONS ON
MORE YOUTH PODS OF EARTH - PANTIES X
March 16, 2008
Last night we were invited to emit our special brand of zzzzhazzzz rithmiums at an event they call Rated X- The Panty Party. We believe this refers to the undergarments used to contain the fumes of their genital poozle.
The youthpods we have encountered are not in the outward appearance to be a group of high intelligence. Perhaps they are of the mammalian species known on Earth as "party animals." The mating rituals of the lighter colored versions involve jerky dance-like movements which attempt, in an odd fashion, to be synchronized to loud machine-like sonic emissions. They impress their intended mates by ingesting large quantities of liquid enjoyment and the inelegant removal of their exocloths in anticipation of coital activities. They are energetic and receptive.
We were told they were “open minded.” But their brain organs are encased so as to be invisible, unlike the Huffahs of planet Morzmadon with their neon blue brainwaves fully on display; or the Xitwafflas whose brain matter lie on the surface of their faces in the form of oozing hemgroils. These earthforms admire our vestments and they think Gambothna Geebis, our garbler, is quite a "dish" with an impressive ability to put her voice forth in a loud and ballistic manner. (They should hear her twibble in the shower on our ship). And of course they admire the sonic disruptions of our noizformers, Farfummf Shibadigdis and Fupsigom Didmadappits, which appear to provide encouragement for their mating rituals. Our accompaniments of the Huffa gatherings are quite different in that involve communal chanting and beating on the Owborng. The youthpods of Earth prefer to ingest the liquids and have others provide sonic emissions. We have much to learn of this strange planet.
Here is where I get to treat my homzoi back home to the latest hwumshuk from Earth.
As we explore this sad little grape of a planet, we have discovered many interesting factoids. We are in the region they call, Yoo-Ass-Ay, Yoo-Ass-Ay, Yoo-Ass-Ay. These earthforms are involved in a peculiar ritual whereby they select their leaders according to the sounds they utter from their mouth area, and which candidate is involved in the least offensive scandal. Quite a primitive social construct. I must admit it makes me homesick for the Velfin Spoidioyz Planetary Union where the candidate who excels at the Funky Norpse dance becomes our leader. So do earthforms lack the capacity to instinctively determine who can best perform the Funky Norpse? I will have to study this further.
In my generous attempt to blend in with the zoological elements here, I will join in their sport of Go-Shopping, where I am to examine a wide selection of body coverings. The earthforms cover themselves with solid materials which are capable of bending, but lack the vaporous nature of our coverings. They also lack the ability to change color and shape according to the wearer’s spontaneous choosing. Quite primitive, but this is what I the other members of Koko Dozo must put up with while we are stationed here. I have been told that on my Go-Shopping event, some of the coverings considered to be the most fabulousy are the ones to die for. I hope the execution will not be painful.
Heismannorca Spaetzle, Overlord of Sector A on Planet Noof-YAA, resigned from post today, the result of his affairs both extramarital and illegal, with a ring of hired fulf-mates. As is customary, his wife stood directly in front of him, dressed in a traditional two piece black gordatunbarne, as he apologized via satellite to the Universe for failing his people. She then, as is customary, delivered three swift, sharp kicks from the heel of her of Banolo Phrank’s into his gonads while he was held in place by his guards. The prostibot in question was found. She is a runaway prostibot who came to Noof-Yaa’s Main Sector with hopes of a career in Terre-Films. We think the most she’ll be able to do now, is a straight to Phreenie.
Probette, famous for her 33HZ screams in the top grossing TerreNovelas of the light-week, was caught on Satte-Cam leaving the residence of Blackey Temblyn. She appeared unkempt -- her eyes covered by a large pair of Solslackas at 3AM Terre Time. Since it’s common knowledge that Mr. Temblyn is the husband of Amberra Horsut, we can only imagine what the scream queen was doing there. The two are shooting the TerreThriller “Please Please Shoot!”.
VocalRhythmShouter PasCreadle was arrested on Terre today for a large possession of Korbabranchles. He led TerreCops on a high speed chase for the better part of 5 milliseconds! He was detained for several hours by police before being let go on bail to the custody of his manager, Pasha Ballaboo.Lastly, it’s VaFaTaTa season, and the nominees are in! Expect catfights, and gown drama!!
Farfummf Watafazmoo adds this postscript to Mipzn. Geebis's sly commentary on Overlord Spaetzle:
Gluh, gluh, gluh <:()~
The same thing happened on Earth. Overlord of Earth Sector Noo Wyorrk was norpse-pungled out of office because he overpaid his hired fulf-mate -- $4,000 Earth dollars (20,000 thilpoing on our planet). Imagine paying over 4,000 Earth dollars to get one's norpse gweeled. I can be serviced for free by the sexiest, smelliest zumspaw in the Spatamnior Galaxy. Plus a bowel job thrown in at no extra charge.
Gluh, gluh, gluh <:()~
I can see why there is so much poverty on Earth. Copulation is in such demand but apparently so difficult to attain that it exerts a high cost. And it seems these earthforms require vast quantities of oil to lubricate their female's wumza. The cost of this oil is immense. Perhaps we should teach them our attitudes about copulation which are not quite so complex as to require such strain on their planet's resources.